Love- How To Change Your Perspective After A Heartbreak.

 

 I’m sure everyone knows what it is like to experience a lousy breakup or a heartbreak.  Sometimes those experiences get the best of us.
It’s painful to watch a relationship that you gave you all fall apart. When you experience that kind of pain more than once, it can cause you to lose hope. Sometimes endless heartbreaks can affect the way you view love and relationships. I can vouch for that. After a while, I begin to have a negative outlook on relationships.

My outlook was so terrible that I spent four years by myself.  At one point, I did not want anything to do with love. I avoided relationships at all costs.  Don’t get me wrong I went out on dates but, I would never let it get too far. The second I found myself getting too close to someone I would push them away. I believed a relationship would be my downfall. For a while, I viewed realtionships as a distraction. I thought that being in a relationship would hold me back from my goals. Anything that felt close to a commitment terrified me.

No love zone

When I recognized this, I shut my love life out altogether. I didn’t want to move forward anyone and knowing my perspective was negative. It is selfish to date someone when you know you are not ready, and you have a massive wall up. My mindset made me see that I was not ready to be with anyone.  I’m sure my perspective may have caused me to miss out on a lot of good guys.  However, I  know that I couldn’t force myself to change my viewpoint without giving myself time to heal first. In the end, I can say I needed time to myself to heal and figure things out. 

My love phases were crazy.

 

Sometimes you have to take the time out, to be honest with yourself and stop pretending that everything is okay. It is okay to be a mess. I can admit I was a mess. I went through so many different perspectives with love. At one point, my outlook was that all guys were the same. Every guy I ran into was shitty. Even if there were a good guy in front of me, I wouldn’t know because of my perspective. I would have thought it was too good to be true or that I was way in over my head. 

Each phase had an impact on my love life.

Then I had the phase where I thought love wasn’t for me. I use to think it was impossible for me to be happy. I was the grinch when it came to love I was bitter and cold. When things went right, I would find something wrong. The worse of them all was the fairytale phase.  The fairy tale phase made me believe that love should be perfect. I did not think to want to be with someone with flaws. This made me nitpick at everything because I was too obsessed with the fairy tale love. Each perspective had an impact on my realtionships. No matter what my view was, I found a way to prove my point each time. I’m not saying I was right. But your perspective will only allow you to see what you want to see.

That’s why you have to be mindful of your perspective. 

I know I still was wearing baggage from old relationships. In the end, I thought doing this would protect me from making the same mistakes. All it did was waste my time as well as other people’s time. I put too much effort into protecting myself that I sabotaged the bonds I had with people. In the end, I still got my feelings hurt. Of course, it was not as severe as in previous situations, but I still experience pain. This made me see the big picture. 

I learned about love.

 

When it comes to love, you have to be all in. You cannot half-ass it. If you are not going to deal with comes with love, then you have to stay away from it until you do.  Love and pain go hand in hand. If you want to experience love, then you have to prepare yourself to experience pain. You cannot have one without the other. It is possible to be in a healthy, happy relationship and still experience pain. Love isn’t perfect.  You have to experience pain in a relationship for the bond to grow.  Either way, you will experience pain, so there’s no need to avoid something that is inevitable.  

When I sat back and thought about everything, It made me change my perspective on love.

We were all put in this world to receive and give love. No matter how much you run away from it, love will eventually find you. I know now that love should never be a distraction. Love should not distract you or hold you back. You should feel powerful when you’re in love. The right kind of love will motivate you and give you the extra push you need to achieve your goals.

Relationships are not the problem; people are.

When love becomes a distraction, its usually because you are not with the right person, Realtionships can be a distraction when you are with someone that doesn’t match your frequency. It’s hard to stay focused when you are with someone that cannot carry their weight. Of course, that kind of bond will cause you to put more attention on them and cause you to neglect your obligations. 

There is nothing wrong with being vulnerable.

I no longer see vulnerability as a weakness. After a while of hiding my emotions, it feels good to express my feelings. I know that the anxiety that I had in regards to my love life was because I did not express myself. It was in my nature to hold back my emotions. I did not want to come off as weak or too emotional. The truth is that I did not feel better; in fact, it made me feel worse.  You have more gain when you show how you feel. I realize that it takes a lot of strength to put your heart on the line.

To be in love, you have to be brave.

It takes a lot of courage to express your feelings with people. Even if things don’t turn out the way, you want it. It sucks that we have to experience heartbreaks, but those heartbreaks make you better. Heartbreaks should never hold you back; instead, they should help you make improvements to move forward. You cannot allow your past experiences to determine your love life. Each ex taught me something important.  I thought the pain was going to last forever, but It didn’t.

You have to appreciate bad love

 Now instead of being bitter and instead of having hatred towards them and myself, I took the time out to thank them for each lesson that they instilled in me. I even look at the heartbreak different now. To be honest, I can’t be mad at them anymore because they came to be for a reason. I know now that I love love. And I want to experience it I have to let my wall down to receive the love that I want.

You have to understand that love is all about balance. 

I’m not saying I’m going to let anyone on my surface, but I will invite people who are worthy of my time. I know that heartbreak required me to know myself and learn myself. I am aware of what I do and don’t want from a man. Today I can say I have a healthy and balanced perspective on love. I know love is a beautiful thing. Love has flaws. It can be ugly at times too.

Love has many outcomes.

Love can fade, or it can grow. It can bring out the best in you or the worse. I already experienced the ugly, dark side, so I know it is possible for me to receive the beautiful side of it. I know I can and will experience the beauty of love because of my perspective. The process starts within you and your mindstate. You cant let your past control your love life. Be yourself and be willing to take a chance. If you are unsure if you should take a chance with someone, then you should read this article. Seven Signs You Should Take a Chance on Love. This article demonstrates the benefits of taking a chance on love.

All in all, just try to be open to love. everyone deserves to find their other half.