So two years ago I watched a talk show called ” The Real” with my sister. The episode was about sex and realtionships. One of the host Tamara Mowry confessed that she stayed celibate until she got married. She believes relationships are stronger when you take the time out to get to know your partner. Both she and her spouse came to an agreement that their relationship will grow stronger without sex. Tamara admits that it was hard, but it was worth it. She believes the psychical part of a relationship should be cut out until both partners decide that they are ready to love and accept one another.
No Sex?
I thought this was a good idea and I decided to practice celibacy. At this time I just gout of a relationship and I wanted to take time to heal and focus on myself.
I went a year without sex it was the best decision I ever made. I learned so much about myself. it was not hard for me to do because I had a busy schedule. At the time I was enrolled in school full time on top of working two jobs. I did not have much of social life. Most of the guys that tried to pursue me gave up once they saw how busy I was. I’m sure I would have scared most of them off if they found I was celibate. Honestly, I was okay with that I had no intention of breaking my celibacy. I did not want to focus on what a man wanted from me or what I wanted from a man. My main priority was me. I had to figure out what I wanted out of myself as a woman.
What Kind Of Women Do You want To Be?
I can scream I want a faithful, loving, caring and respectful man until I am blue in the face. But I have to be ready for it. I had to ask myself what kind of woman do I want to be instead of what kind of man do I want? The woman I want to be is someone who knows her worth. I want to make sure I only give chances to people that deserve it. The woman I want to be is someone that demands respect. I want to stop ignoring red flags and be mindful of what is real. Most importantly I want to love myself so much, that I will not settle out of fear of being alone. I will no longer be a pushover or allow a man to manipulate me. Above all, I will not change myself to make someone else feel secure or happy. The type of woman I was made me a target for unfaithful, untrustworthy, and disrespectful men.
Why I took Sex Out The Equation
I believe sex caused me to settle for things that were not good for me. sometimes you think you know someone and then you realize after you have sex with them that you don’t. Feelings and perspectives change after you get psychical with someone. Especially for women because we form attachments after sex. The hard part is when you form an attachment with someone that is not good for you. You end up in a situation where you are with someone that do not share the same morals as you. In the end, you make yourself okay with things that you are not okay with. Sometimes you think you can change their ways but in the end, you only end up changing yourself.
No Sex No Lies.
Dating while celibate is fun. It is so easy to see if a man really likes you or if he just want to have sex with you. One thing I learned is that If a man really likes you then, he will try to get to know you. I went out on dates with guys where we barely engaged in conversation. They would be on their phones or just sit there. Sometimes I felt like they were only out with me to win me over. Those same guys would try to invite themselves to my house after the date was over. it let me know that they only went out with me to give me what I want with hopes that they will get what they want. I also been on dates with guys that would just stare at me and compliment me all night long. They would not take the time out to pick my brain, they would talk about my looks and my body. it was easy to see that were just trying to say all the right things to get in my pants.
Flat out tell him you don’t want to have sex with him.
The best part was to see a man reaction after I told him I was celibate. Now some men will try to play it off and act like they are okay with it because they do not want to look like an asshole. However, it won’t take long for you to see how they really feel about your celibacy. if he acts any of the following ways when you tell him you are celibate, then you know he only wants to have sex.
- He tells you “-you’re going to go crazy without dick.”
- If he says things like “ I’m going to change that.”
- When he stops showing the effort that he showed in the beginning before he knew he wasn’t getting any.
- He tries to do sexual things to catch you slipping such as sucking on your neck, grabbing ya ass, or groping you.
- He says sarcastic jokes about you keeping your cookies in the jar
- He keeps asking how long he has to wait.
- Tries to guilt you into giving him some.
If he does any of the following you know for a fact that he’s around for sex. He also doesn’t respect what you’re doing and he’s going to go above and beyond to change your mind. Anybody that wants to take you seriously should know sex isn’t something that should be rushed. Do not allow a man to pressure you to break your celibacy. At the end of the day, you will not miss out he will. Always remember that it’s your choice and Pussy is Power.
Sex Is More Important Than Our Generation Makes It Out To Be.
Sex is important but it is so underrated. At one point I questioned my morals and views on sex. After a while of seeing how nonchalant people are about sex, I thought maybe I was overreacting. For this reason, I broke my celibacy. As soon as I did that I remembered why I was celibate in the first place. However, as of now, I am celibate again. I believe that I am too old for flings. I do not care to have sex with anybody. I want to form a mental intimacy with someone. For this reason, I will not give myself up to anybody unless we are working towards something that is clear and substantial.
Shit That Our Generation Does in Regards to Sex That Is Dumb.
One thing that bothers me about this generation is that people think it’s okay to have sex without condoms. I always hear men say that they do not use condoms. The sad part about it is that a lot of guys sleep with multiple women simultaneously and have sex with all of them unprotected. First of all, that shit is nasty and second, you shouldn’t have raw sex with everybody. too many men will claim they do not want kids, but they refuse to use condoms. How dumb does that sound? The whole point of unprotected sex is to produce. I know a lot of guys may say shit like “It’s okay my pull out the game strong.” Trust me that will only work but for so long. On top of that when you pull out during sex, it ruins the sexual experience. if a man does not see the woman that he is sleeping with as the mother of his child, then he should not have sex with her without a condom.
Sex Without Trust.
When people decide to have sex without a condom its not just about the pleasure of the sex. it is a privilege to have unprotected sex with someone. Unprotected sex signifies trust between two people. Both of you are aware that you are each other sexual partners. For this reason, the two of you do not have to worry about contracting any STD’S because you trust one another is honest. If you do not trust the person you are sleeping with, then you not have sex with them without a condom. You probably should not have sex with them at all. If you would not turn your back on someone do not trust, then you should not let a person that is untrustworthy be inside you. I know that it takes a long time for me to trust someone. As long as it takes for me to trust someone, is as long as it should take for me to have sex with someone.
Sex is without a connection.
I’m not going to lie the pleasure of sex is amazing. However how good is sex without a real connection?
Fucking and sex with a connection is different. When you are fucking someone it’s more off fantasy and sexual attraction. You don’t pay attention to their who they are or their flaws, you just focus on sex. Granted it will be good, but it will get old after awhile. You have to stop and ask What can you offer besides d*#k ?
Sex With A Connection
Now when you have a sexual connection. The sex is way better . You attracted to that person in every aspect, mentally emotionally intellectually, spiritually and sexually. That kind of connection makes sex better. Sex is better when the two of you are aware of each other wants and needs. When you have good communication with each other the sex is more tasteful. That person takes the time out to learn your body and what you want and they will make sure you are pleasured.
A man that’s just fucking you will only care about his nut. He won’t even care if you’re satisfied as long as he is. And if you’re not getting what you need than what is the point of having sex anyway?
