These last few weeks I have been having conflicts with a decent amount of people. I noticed that I have been having issues that revolve around lack of communication along with other issues. But I came to the conclusion that some of the issues happened only because I allowed the wrong things to have too much access to me. I’m not going to lie I let a lot of the altercations I had really affect me mentally. But I had to check myself.
Most of the issues that I had were small issues that could have been fixed.
But, when you have people around you that refuse to comprehend have access to you, is when things get out of hand. it doesn’t matter how good your intentions are. A person that doesn’t comprehend how you operate does not deserve access to you. Especially if you explain it to them.
It bothered me at first because I can’t stand when I have altercations with people that I care about.
I see that the altercations I had needed to happen. To be real I haven’t been happy with my surroundings. I came to the conclusion that I had made myself okay with things that I haven’t really been okay with. At times I feel I was holding on to people and situations that weren’t good for me. Of course, when you love people it’s hard to let go of things. But as I was holding on my spirt was being affected by it. I use to think that I had to cut people off. To a certain extent you do.
However, I realized IÂ need to revoke how much access I allow people to have of me.
The sad part is I made myself way too available and Invited the wrong things into my surface.
For one I need to learn how to stand up for who I am today as a person. I allowed a lot of low vibrational and unproductive aspects to consume my time. Every once in awhile it will happen, because that’s just how life works but I engaged too much in the old parts of myself. The parts of myself that I know will hold me back. In order for me to continue to grow and become the person that I become I need to show up as my new and improved self more than I show up as my old self.
it’s important for me to be stingy with my time.
I need to raise the standard on what I will and will not deal with. At the end of the day I need to put myself on a pedestal and remind myself of how far I come and who I am. I am a woman that have two degrees, with a business mindset, that is ready to explore business ventures.
I need to carry myself as such. With that being said I need to spend more of my time educating myself and getting my business ventures off the ground. When my phone is going off it needs to be in regards of business-related things more than anything. Lately my phone is going off to go to a party or to turn up. Don’t get me wrong-a little fun ain’t never hurt anybody.
But I want to make sure that I am connecting more with intention.
I’m not one of those people that feels successful just by going to work and coming home. I definitely don’t feel like my days off should be spent on going out and spending money. My days off are my days to brainstorm new ideas for my craft. Even if I choose not to work at my craft, I like to spend my time working out, reading, and reflecting. The moral of the story is that I like to spend the bulk of my time on things that are bettering me as a woman. For this reason, I have to learn to put a limit on what I say yes to. Saying no is something that I still have to work on.
But in the meantime, I am finding other ways to revoke the amount of access I give to people.
My phone is back on do not disturb. I want to pick and choose what I allow to get through to me. To be honest, when my phone goes off most of the time I already know why certain people are calling. Usually, people call me because they want me to link and turn up with them or because they want me to listen to their problems. To be real it really irks my soul. However, I have to take accountability for things being that way. For one I allowed it. But I also failed to show up for the woman that I am today.
 Don’t get me wrong I love being around people and meeting new people but I want to engage in different things.
Instead of jumping from bar to bar I would much rather go hiking, have picnic travel, go to a water park, etc. I have to redirect people so people will be aware of how to approach me. To be real I did not show up for myself. The new and mature me was put on the back burner. Subconsciously I think it was guilt. I did not want people to say that I switched up. However, I am a humble person and I am aware of where I come from, but that doesn’t mean I have to stay there.
In all reality, this is part of the growth process, and I learned that it’s one thing to stay humble but it’s a whole different ball game to settle.
The guilt took over.
I felt bad when I was in college because I wasn’t around as much. It was very hard to reach me because I was busy and had a lot on my plate. I sometimes feel like I missed out on a lot because I wasn’t around. But as I took the time to slow down and put effort into some of my relationships, I realized I haven’t missed out on much. With that being said I know that I wasn’t wrong for limiting the number of access people had to me.
It’s crucial to protect my energy and do what I need to do to stay focused and carry out my goals.
 As I figure out what I need and don’t need I am being stingy with my time. Whoever gravitates towards me in this process I know needs to be here. And whoever drifts away may not get to stay. It’s nothing personal I just have to put myself first. Time is ticking.
This was such a great post! Self boundaries are so important! It comes off as selfish but ultimately it is something needs to be done in order to maintain one’s mental health. I too experienced friends calling me selfish because I choose to protect how much access people have to me. But as you mentioned, the people that matter understands and will be there
Thanks for sharing
You’re absolutely right ! I don’t think people understand what boundaries are , so self care seems to be associated with selfishness. I’m glad you can relate it feels good to know I’m not crazy lol !
This was a great post to read! I loved your writing!
Thank You Daniela I appreciate you. I am glad you enjoyed it.
I really enjoyed reading your post. This pretty much sums up my week so far. I have had a few misunderstandings with some associates. But I can not let those misunderstandings effect me. Most of the time it is simple lack of communication.
Setting boundaries are so important and it’s something that I am still working on… I am a work in progress.
xo Erica
I am glad you enjoyed this post. I agree you cannot stress yourself out over misunderstandings especially when its a communication issue. We are all a working progress. People communication really depends on their upbringing etc. Its even if you communicate the best of your ability sometimes people just wont comprehend.