Loved in full- What does it feel like to be loved?

Love is something that everyone craves and desires. It seems that people are willing to spend their whole life to feel loved. But the question is what does it actually feel like to be loved? When we actually come in contact with what we perceive to be love it is true love? How would we know when love is presented to us on two different sides of the spectrum?

We tend to be confused about love.

Society tells us that to feel loved is to receive love from the people around you. To be loved means to be given affection and to be shown the importance of what you mean to someone. Most people base the feeling of being loved off of the amount of love that is received from their peers. So it seems that feeling loved is based on external factors 90% of the time.

Society teaches us love in a co-dependent manner.

Realistically some people do not have the capability to make someone feel loved and appreciated all of the time. But for years that’s what feeling loved has been based on. So when we are unable to get our needs met we tend to question ourselves. We pick ourselves apart to figure out what’s wrong with us.

It snowballs and it makes people believe that if others do not love us, then we must be unloveable. So it raises the question how can we feel loved if the people that are supposed to love us do not love us ?

As humans we are made to survive.

We will seek after the things that we need to keep us alive. So we gravitate towards people, places, and things that make us feel loved. Out of desperation those things that we think is making us feel loved may not actually be love. It may not even be the entirety of what we need. The bare minimum can feel like everything to us because it feels like an honor to have something rather than nothing.

But in the same token, the new mainstream culture teaches us that true love starts from within.

After spending the majority of your life relying on outside sources, how do you even begin to learn what self love is? Especially when you learn love from the people who couldn’t love you properly? How do you know if you are giving yourself enough?

Perhaps love isn’t as complex as we make it out to be.

Because we know what we need more than anyone else. In order to know how to be loved right, we have to know how it is to be loved the wrong way. In that moment, we learn how to fill in the pieces. We know the amount of attention and affection that is needed for you to feel special. But instead of waiting for someone to give you those things, we need to implement those on ourselves.

I know this cliche statement frustrates, most because it doesn’t actually help people take the steps necessary to do so. Even when you say it, some people still may be unaware of what habits they need to adopt.

Trust me it took me years to actually grasp this concept of self love.

I knew my needs weren’t being met because I felt a sense of emptiness. But I never fully understood what I was missing that would make me feel loved from within. I think that is one of the most crucial parts of it all. At one point I had to stop and ask myself what do I want? And what do I need to feel loved in this given moment ?

Let’s say the typical person needs the following things to feel loved: to be heard , affection, support, protection, and acts of kindness.

Perhaps you get acts of kindness, such as gifts etc., but people in your life do not listen to how you feel. They demonstrate their love by doing nice things for you. So you know they love you, but you don’t actually feel like you are being loved because your needs are not being met. So before you try to go to the next person to give you one of the things that you feel you are missing. Look from within. Because even if you come across another family member or partner they may listen, but they still may not be able to listen to you at the level that you need. They may be unable to identify or give the capacity that you need.

However, you know exactly what is required for your cup to be filled.

So if you want to be heard and listened to, start taking the time out to listen to yourself. Communicate with yourself, check-in with your emotions to see how you feel. You can build this habit up through journaling. Create a space for yourself to release your mind. If you wake up and feel you need a day to yourself, then take it. Perhaps you have an urge to be adventurous, then maybe you need a night out.

Listen to what your body tells you.

How else will you know how to tell people what you need, when you do not even know what it is that you need for yourself ? Start talking to yourself. That’s how you are going to get the affection that you need. So when you wake up in the morning and you have a bad day. Show yourself some love. Wrap your arms around your body and hug yourself. Tell yourself everything is going to be okay.

Those same aspects apply to all the other factors that make you feel loved.

So if you believe support is something that you need to feel loved, make sure you implement ways to support yourself. If you have an idea that you have been wanting to pursue, then do it. Tell yourself that you can do it. Do not wait to see if others will approve it. Become your number one supporter. As much as we want our loved ones to support and be happy for us . Sometimes they do not have the ability to do so. But when someone else is unable to support you at least you know can support yourself. That way your needs will continue to be met.

Yes we need people. This world is filled with billions of people for a reason.

But that can’t be our only source. We have to strengthen the bond that we have with ourselves. Because when it’s all said and done you should feel safe even when you’re by yourself. The small things that we don’t think of can make us feel protected will make us feel safe. Something as simple as protecting yourself from things that do not serve you. When you make it your duty to avoid things and places that drain your energy. You’ll notice you will feel better. That unsafe feeling will lessen because you will only allow yourself to be in spaces that make you feel safe. We owe it to ourselves to feel this way.

Doing these things are a small act of kindness.

It doesn’t stop there. Do nice things for yourself that will make you feel good. Remind yourself how special you are. Buy yourself flowers. Cook your favorite meal. Take yourself out on a date to your favorite restaurant. Engage in things that will brighten your day. Give to yourself. Try these things once a week or wherever you can. It doesn’t have to always be costly either , you can be creative with this and find ways to treat yourself. When doing these things, do not feel ashamed.

Do not allow yourself to feel lonely for engaging in self-love.

Because if you never engage in these self-love acts, how will you ever know if someone else is giving you enough? When you feel that something in life your life is missing, what if the only thing that is missing is you?