The other day I was on quora and I got a request to answer a question about an issue that someone had with their friends. For those of you who don’t know what Quora is a platform that allows people to ask for advice and receive feedback from people who have credentials on the given topic. So I was going through my notifications and I saw a question that said: “ my friends are great friends, but why do they ignore me when I try to discuss my mental health?”
When I saw this question I’m like damn I definitely can relate to this. I experienced the same situation with my friends in the past and it used to bother me. But the way I would’ve answered these questions years ago and my response to it now is so different.
Years ago I would’ve told this girl that, her friends are not her friends, and that she needs to get rid of them. I would have told her, “if they were really your friends they should care enough to talk to you about your mental health. “
But knowing what I know now my response to her was that she needs to learn the dynamic of her friendships. Yes, they may be good friends to hang out with. But they may not be the kind of friends that you can discuss those issues with. That’s just not the nature of your friendship.
Everybody has their own definition of friendship. Because everyone defines friendship differently, everyone views friendship differently. So understand that every friendship has its purpose. So you have to ask yourself what keeps our friendship together? Why are we friends?
Don’t assume that you can do everything with your friends.
You can’t have that type of bond with everybody it’s just not realistic. I know some people are going to say “ well if that’s my friend, I should be able to have fun with them, cry with them, and rely on them .” Don’t get me wrong I use to have this same perception. But I’m here to tell you that kind of perception will cause you to get your feelings hurt. The issues arise is when people don’t know their role and they try to force things they aren’t there. Doing this will cause confusion and hurt feelings.
Every friend serves there purpose.
So to avoid that. Pay closer attention to your bonds and really ask yourself what role do these people play in my life?
What category do they fit into? if you are unsure of how to do this then check out this article The Type Of Friends You Need. This article explains the importance of having friends for different reasons.
Fun friends.
Sometimes your friend that you have fun with is just your friend that you have fun with. If y’all friendship is based on y’all having fun together, understand that when talking about your mental health, you are “ spoiling your friendship “. I’m not saying this to be rude or to make people feel bad about wanting to talk about their problems. What I’m saying is that if your friendship is built around having fun, you take away the fun once you start talking about your personal problems. So when you talk about your problems they are going to ignore it. They do this because it’s disrupting the overall point of why y’all are together in the first place.
Your ride or die / best friend.
This is the friend that is one of the best friends to have. If something happens, then this would be the first one you call.
It doesn’t matter what it is you know they will be there by your side. if you have a bad day and if you need somebody to talk to, then you can call them. They will support your dreams as well as your accomplishments. You have to be careful telling them that someone has hurt you because they will be ready to kill anyone that hurts you.
They may be a reliable friend, but they may not be ” the fun friend.”
Your best friend may prefer to stay at home instead of going out. But whenever you need them they will be supportive but you know they are not going to want to go to a party with you. But when you learn this about them you don’t bother to invite them to those types of outings because you know they wouldn’t want to go. Now if you decide you want to sit in the house and have a movie night then, you know you can call them and they will be down.
This same energy applies to all your friends.
So understand that your business friend is just your business friend.
Do not try to get too personal with your business friend. When you and your business friend link up it’s strictly to talk about the next move. You don’t call this person to go out for drinks with you. Nor do you call them with your problems. You keep the bond as professional as possible. Once you get too personal, the business part starts getting messy. I know some people probably have personal relationships with their business partners. However, they most likely had a personal relationship first that turned into a business.
That is different. But if your relationship starts off business-related keep it there.
Business Friend.
Sometimes things don’t work out when you get too personal with your business partners. When you get too personal with a person you do business with then , they may not take the business as serious. People think because they have a personal relationship with you that they can slack off because they think that because y’all are cool you will be okay with it.
They will show up to meetings late, they may get to catch up on the personal and ruin the business.
The friend you do everything with.
I’m not saying that you can’t have an all-round friend. it is possible to have a friend that you can go out with have fun with, cry to and do business with. However, this kind of bond requires great balance and boundaries. You will know when it’s time to have fun, when it’s time to discuss serious things and when it’s time to do business. This kind of bond requires a lot of discipline and balance from both parties. Some people just don’t have the ability to do that. Do not get disappointed that you can’t do everything with your friends.
When you know the nature of your friendships you will be able to know how far you can go and where you should end.
Everybody has a role in your life to get familiar with it. Instead of trying to turn a relationship into something that it isn’t so before you decide to get mad that your friend isn’t there for you be mindful that you probably just called the wrong friend. Don’t set yourself up you can save yourself a lot of time and less heartache.
Now if you still feel uncertain about the dynamic of your friendships after this, then you should be worried.
I definitely agree that there are different types of friends! I have friends who i share More with and are better for my mental health for sure!
Thank you for your feedback . I think It takes time to realize this . When you’re younger you believe you can do everything with your friends. When you get older you realize everyone has their purpose.
This is a really interesting way to think about it – I don’t think I’ve consciously done this, but now I’m thinking about different friends of mine, they all fit into these different categories!
Honestly I never did either until I got older . We are just so use to interacting with people we don’t really identify it because it’s so natural.