Journal Power- Dear Journal , Thank You.

A few weeks ago I realized that I was down to the last few pages in my journal. When I realized this, I started writing in it less. I had to to make my last few entries count. As crazy as it sounds apart of me was prolonging it on purpose. I tried to hold on to my diary as much as I can. But the other day I picked it up and begin to write, and I end up finishing the journal. It may sound weird, but it made me emotional.

 

It was a bittersweet moment for me.

I was sad that I could not write in it anymore. For the last two years, this was my go to. It was hard for me to let go because when I did not have anyone, I had my journal. On the other hand, I was happy because I managed to finish it. I managed to close a few chapters in my life and overcome many battles.

 

Before the journal.

For years I felt like I couldn’t express myself to anyone. I had so many negative associations attached to self-expression.  After a while, I felt it was pointless to express myself, and I kept everything in, and when I did let things out, I would explode. My explosions were terrible. I was like a tornado. Everything around me was at risk.

When I was in that state, I couldn’t stop until I released everything and I did not care who it affected. I felt like that was the only way I can get people to listen to me. It did help me get attention. However, it was never proper attention. My actions made people think I was crazy or I always had an attitude. That was my reputation, and I hated it.

                                           

  I decided I needed a change.

 

I wanted someone to ask me what was wrong with me or just let me talk it out. But my reputation made it difficult for me to do so. People didn’t want anything to do with me. I started realizing that I needed to express myself in a way that was more healthy, but I didn’t know how when no one was willing to listen.

The journal idea

One day someone told me that should write in the journal, but I thought it was stupid. I thought how can a journal help me with all the issues and anger that I have inside? But I wanted to change, so I decided to try it. If you feel you have problems with expressing yourself and unsure if this method will work for you check this article out.  Why Keeping a Daily Journal Could Change Your Life

 

It didn’t hurt to try.

One day I was pissed off and I was about to black out and instead, I picked up my journal and started writing. I was so angry if you touched the pages in my journal, you could feel the words on the page. For once I was comfortable healthily expressing myself. Every time I got upset or mad about something I picked up my journal and just wrote it out. If I still felt angry, I would go work out or try to find something else to do to calm me down.

 

Wait this works.

I didn’t even realize how much self-control I gained by doing this. That’s when I realized there were other ways to cope with my anger. I started noticing a pattern that helped me recognize my triggers. After I discovered my triggers, I began to create solutions. 

When I started noticing a change.

Once I got to the root of this, I started finding ways to respond to people and situations better. Once my anger was under control, it was easier for people to talk to me. People knew they could speak to me without me blacking out. It was it easier for me to express myself and it was easier for people to understand me.

My writing changed.

Towards the middle and near the end of the journal, I started setting goals for myself. I began tracking my progress. Don’t get me wrong I still had issues don’t get me wrong, but I was able to see how far I’ve come. Slowly I transformed into a positive person. 

 

People were gravitating towards me.

Friends family and even strangers started asking me for advice. People that knew me knew how far I came and they were so amazed and they wanted to know what I did or what can they do to get in the space I was in. I was everyone go to, and I was happy to know that, but it got overwhelming trying to help so many people at once especially with the things that I had going on. So  I decided to create a blog and write a book. All of this was inspired by the pages in my journal.

 

The littlest things can have the biggest impact.

I want people to see that you can overcome your most significant challenges but you have to be patient and take your time. It’s funny because I didn’t think I was going to stick with the journal but I did and that made me feel good knowing that I took the time to work on myself. 

I was the prisoner that had the key. It’s ironic that I always felt silenced and no one cared about what I had to say. But now I have a blog where people actually take the time out to listen to me and try to learn more about me.  It means a lot to me to know I accomplished that and to know that my story has an impact on so many people.

 

My New Journal

One of my friends got me a new journal for Christmas right before I finished my old one. The cover represents my new journey, and I can’t wait to see what I will get out of this one. Dear Journal,

Thank you!